Friday, December 26, 2014

scared to write

Why don’t I write more?

In recent months I’ve been telling myself that I would get this blog going again. Honestly, I partly want something to use as a resumé for future work in writing (my current career path has already demanded it). Because the truth is, I write a fair amount. There are many documents on my computer started with the intention to be shared here that never made it. Most of them I wouldn’t even consider finished. But even these unfinished pieces are far too long for what most readers find acceptable in a blog post. So, when I write, I write a lot.

But what keeps me from sharing?

Mostly the fact that I’m scared. Fear, if you haven’t noticed yet, is a very persuasive force. If you haven’t noticed then you may want to check up on the possibility of being a psychopath. If you’re in touch with your fear though, you probably also realized that the internet can be a terrifying place for opinions. Ever read the comments sections of well-written articles? Yeesh. Internet commentators are often combative, reductive minds that can take the most nuanced issue and make it into a boxing match.

The basis of my fear was revealed to me in one of the aforementioned unpublished pieces I wrote much earlier this year. Looking at how arguments took place on the internet, this occurred to me: “We too often act as though our thoughts are being drawn from a drying well, and we must save every bucket for what’s more important.  Pair this with a public discourse that, in my observation, slants too much towards saying don’t’s, pointing fingers, and telling people they can’t be a part of something because of who they are, and we arrive at a society no longer willing to offend or consider that every issue exists with infinite shades of grey between the black and white.” 

I didn’t post this piece because I was afraid to voice my opinion on the issues I was exploring.

I’m scared to write because… What’s the point? Someone else will say it better. What’s the use? There are far more important issues than whatever I’m currently writing about. Who cares? Everyone’s a writer and reading’s a dying art.

But I’m realizing more and more that I am acting as my own internet-commentator and destroying the discourse that interested me before it was even realized. I’m surrendering to everything I hate about internet discourse by letting it silence me. Thought is a limitless resource that we have every obligation to use as much as possible. No sincere, inquisitive, considered discussion is extraneous. Questions can never be fully answered, and the conclusive righteousness of those who think they can must be challenged.

So, here’s to adding another voice to the millions currently out there, to hopefully sparking at least one innovative conversation, and to building up a portfolio! 

I kid.